PONY UP SOME COIN WE HAVE A COACH FOR YOU
A bus-owner on this board and I have been emailing each other and discussing the pro's and cons of bus ownership. By the way YOUR name came up several times, I think it is important that YOU know this so I am now deciding to disclose all of this important information to the pubic.
Meanwhile, during our electronic internet bonding process, the question of
"Why we own a bus was presented. Why it is that we bought a bus to begin with, what ownership of one of these monsters entails, and discussing at length how it is that we found ourselves at this particular junction of time in our lives. And last, why some folks often believe everything they read on bus boards and the Internet."
YOUR NAME was again mentioned, I suppose some eye-ball rolling and ocassional snickering, but it was not a video call, it was Email, so I dunno.
When the bus-owner on the left coast asked me these impotent questions, of course, the only answer I could present was:
I-don?t-know-why-I-did-it-dot.com. (which I now understand is a common affliction of bus owners) You might have noticed some of it here ... Often there are no logical answers to simple questions.
In my case it dredged up some fond memories of my head-first plunge into the bus world almost thirteen years ago. Isn't strange how time just kind of sneaks up on you ... It seems as if it was only yesterday.
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Banker: Well, I see by your paperwork that you have started to think about purchasing a bus in the near future. I've reviewed your credit score, gone over your account balances, and I have spoken with some of our loan officers. Frankly, I seem to be running into a bit of a problem and I was wondering if you could perhaps help me out?
You: What exactly is the problem?
Banker: Mechanically speaking it appears that you are qualified to do nothing and of course are irretrievably stupid, you could quite uh, well, very well be out of your mind.
You: That seems kind of harsh. But to answer your first question? I put together a swing set from Sears once (We needed one to do an outa-frame engine swap on a 55 Chevy). I am sitting there wondering: "What is the big deal? Its just a fifty-year old bus for cryin? out loud. I mean, how hard could any of this be?
Banker: I'm sorry. I suppose your entire life, your parents have told you that you're smart and capable? Your friends admire you for your ability to take on monumental impossible tasks and still somehow survive. It says here that at the age of ten, you wrapped a towel around your neck and jumped off the roof of your fathers' house emulating Superman?
You: Of course they have. Yeah I did that, wanted you to know that I am not afraid to try new things or adventure in my life. For instance, buying a bus is a new thing and certainly it could qualify as an adventure, don?t you think so?
Banker: Well they're full of it. I have never encountered anyone so ill-equipped to enter the bus community in all my years of being a banker and a recently released part time RV Salesman. Have you been staying in an area that might have lead in the drinking water? Even Superman would not be this d-u-m-b.
You: You're exaggerating, I can't be that hopeless.'
Banker: Am I? When I asked you why it was that you wanted a bus, you never came up with a correct answer, you answered correctly only 15% of the time. A few of them, you just sat there with that deer in the headlight look and shrugged your shoulders.
You: One out three isn't that bad.
Banker: Exactly my point. You also seem to have exaggerated the "appearance factor" over the maint. issues two to one, in your description of the used coach you hope to purchase.
You: No I didn't.
Banker: Let's see what it was that you wrote? Here it is: "Really nice looking stainless and the wheels are really, really shiny, and my wife would be a looker in that smoking hot Big Bad Mama with painted swirls on the side."
You: I don't remember writing that.
Banker: You have terrible memory skills.
You: That's not fair.
Banker: And a delusional perception of worthiness.
You: But?
Banker: Moving on to maint. issues, you could not find a brake caliper if you had a map. Buses, especially OLDER BUSES require parts, lots of parts, have you considered this?
Banker: Again,you seem to have problems with new information, pay attention there will be a test later on, I suspect you will not be able to get the answers right.
You: Well I drunk me some beers with Bus People, and I stayed in a Holiday Inn last night, so I aint worried, that wrong answer thing can't be all that uncommon. What is you talking about?
Banker: It was a map of the entire underbelly of the bus.
You: Oh that. I thought it was something else. A schematic for the plumbing system or possibly a link to the back bedroom carousel clothing thingy that I can hang my ball-caps on.
Banker: You seem to have absolutely no grasp of economics or what it really costs to operate one of these things.
You: I know a little about it. They are cheaper to operate than say, a houseboat on the Columbia River system, yeah, that is right.
Banker: You listed the three different mileage factors for the bus. One for on the road, one while parked, and one while running the inverter.
You: Those numbers are good numbers, the seller gave them to me.
Banker: You took a course on motorcycle repair in school?
You: Yes I did. How did you know that, did I write that in there, let me see ....
Banker: Yes you did and you think this will help you understand the intricacies and nuances of a 45 ft --- 45,000 lb. bus? You listed that in your application, can you tell me how this will relate to this dream of bus ownership you seem to be reluctant to let go of?
You: Can you end a sentence like that?
Banker: No.
You: Really?
Banker: NO YOU MORON, but this is not an English lesson, this is buying a bus 101 ... This next one is especially perplexing: "Under make and model you wrote in Bigfoot." I find that disturbing for at least several different reasons.
You: Well I had to write something and I could not spell "Iggle."
Banker: We will go over the paper work again, and our loan committee will let you know. You should be getting a call from him soon ...
Like I said in the beginning YOU cannot (under any reasonable reason or circumstance) ... Trust or Believe ANYTHING you find on the Internet ... By the way, I didn't get the loan, but I did get this neat little ballpoint-pen with a chain attached to it off the counter on my way out.
Watch those right handers.*
BCO
(* Gonna be a long winter Clifford, long winter indeed.)